1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,520
Oh, my God, it's Oscar.

2
00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:04,920
Oscar?
You know, my ex.

3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,680
Ah, what's your name, bruvs?
It's Tom. Don't tell me.

4
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:10,480
We're all heading back to our camp.
We've got everything there.

5
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,240
Food, shelter, poi.

6
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,440
- I slept with Oscar.
- Bitch!

7
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:17,360
Aaaah, no! Laura!

8
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,360
Aargh!

9
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,960
Not cool, bruv!
This is my wanking hand!

10
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,760
Right, boss.
I'm not your boss.

11
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,280
You are now.

12
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,160
- Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom...
- I'm like a god to these people.

13
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,920
Oh. It's the gaffer.

14
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,200
The Special One.

15
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:45,760
So I've been looking at my calendar and
I just don't have time to be leader any more.

16
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,120
I've got this other thing.
It's quite hectic.

17
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,640
- I've got a lot going on.
- What, like drawing pictures of Steven Seagal?

18
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,520
Someone has to remember, Suze.
I carry the flame now.

19
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,320
Tom, you promised these people
you'd be their leader.

20
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,680
And now, with all the hardship,
the danger,

21
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,200
the fear... you're gonna
break that promise?

22
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:05,560
- I was planning to, yeah.
- You need to ask yourself one question.

23
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,680
And I ask it every day and,
truthfully,

24
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,720
I think childbirth
has made you more attractive.

25
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,480
- Now you've got more of this
Nicki Minaj thing. - No!

26
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,480
Tom, don't you want to
be the best you can be?

27
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,360
Meh.

28
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,080
Fine. I'll do it.

29
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:25,840
Now, what, oh, what,
can you do... to reciprocate?

30
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,360
Oh, really?
You're that manipulative?

31
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,360
No! We can compromise on a handjob.

32
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,960

 Do you really like it?

33
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,840

 Is it, is it wicked?

34
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,600

 We're loving it,
loving it, loving it

35
00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:13,520

 We're loving it like that

36
00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,040

 Do you really like it? 


37
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,240
Tom! Tom! Tom!
Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom!

38
00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:21,280
All right. All right! Thank you.

39
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,280
Ten minutes till the end
of the world and you rescue a lute?

40
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,880
- You don't like the lute?
- Not crazy about it.

41
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,000
Your wish is my command.

42
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,800
Beers, el presidente?

43
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,760
- Ma'am?
- Oh.

44
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,040
- Little one?
- Er... no.

45
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,880
- Laura, no!
- Yes.

46
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,440
Mr Tom, sir.

47
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:54,720
My neighbour Old Mother Pudmore's
stolen a pound of rancid butter...

48
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:58,480
Damn, I forgot to wear
my medieval-dispute-solving hat.

49
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,880
- No wimple today. Sorry.
- Oh.

50
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,520
And you're sure I have to do this?

51
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:07,000
There's the real Prime Minister.
He is technically still in charge.

52
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,040
Swingeing cuts, eat my shit!

53
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,120
The next limp-dick left-winger
gets a faceful of my chocolate.

54
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:15,960
Eh! Tom?

55
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,520
Tom? Come here, geeze.
We need a natter.

56
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,840
- This one's for the ladies.
- Switch on!

57
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,560

 Hardcore, you know the score

58
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,440

 Rhymes so good
they deserve an encore! 


59
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,240
Bump. My conscience
is flat-roofing, bruvs.

60
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,160
But me and Suzie, we got history.

61
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,880
- You done the dutty, cos bitch...
- La, la, la, la, la...

62
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,080
- Ain't a crime to get a blowie.
- La, la, la, la, la...

63
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,840
I'm done. I'm done, I'm done.

64
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:51,240
I'm sorry, man. I done a likkle bit
of time, so can I please come out now?

65
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,920
Hash-tag "my bucket
is full of pimp juice".

66
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,800
I'm the boss. I hate you.

67
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:01,240
So the whole hash-tag
"swimming in your own shit" thing?

68
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,120
Not looking good for
a couple more years.

69
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,200
But it ain't fair on Zulu.

70
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,880
Zulu. A black dog.

71
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,920
- Represent.
- Nice.

72
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,240
No hard feelings? Touch.

73
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,000
Yeah, I'm not shaking
your hand, man.

74
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,520
- Is that cos it's been on Suzie's...?
- Stop now.

75
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,560
That's an order.

76
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,360
Cooch.

77
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,840
- Touch.
- Aargh. You...

78
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,480

 Do you really like it?
Do you really like it?

79
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,320

 We're loving it,
loving it, loving it

80
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,960

 We're loving it like that 


81
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,680
Oh, fuck me, that was cool.

82
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,560
I wish bears still roamed England
so that one could come along

83
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,560
and claw that bastard's face off.

84
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,120
Bears never roamed England.

85
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,880
Er... why d'you think
they called it Paddington Station?

86
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,120
Fight, fight, fight!

87
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,800
- All right, come on, let's get out of here.
- Tom, you're in charge!

88
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:57,800
Stop, men. I forbid fighting.

89
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,880
Tom, do something!

90
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,440
Bite him, bite him!

91
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,040
Come on, bruv.

92
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,280
Yes!

93
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,360
Mess him up!

94
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,040
He's a stranger! He came here
to steal food from our families.

95
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:18,800
OK. But nothing - absolutely nothing
is worth a man's life.

96
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,720
I killed a man. For Coco Pops.

97
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:24,760
He stole your Coco Pops?

98
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,920
- Death was too good for that
son of a bitch. - I must be crazy.

99
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,960
You know what is crazy?

100
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,640
Remember when they
renamed them Choco Krispies?

101
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:39,680
Like everyone already
knew the theme song.

102
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,840
Like melodically,
"Choco Krispies" just does not work.

103
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,880
- You've got brain on you.
- Ahhh!

104
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,880
These are my Waitrose, man.
Now all I got is my Lidls.

105
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,480
How can I ever be forgiven?

106
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:56,120
You do owe a debt to society.
But I'm sure we can work something out.

107
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,480
You took that man's Coco Pops?

108
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:07,280
Just oiling the wheels of justice
with delicious chocolatey milk.

109
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:09,960
- No.
- Oi!

110
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,400
- Bastard, I expressed that milk!
- Can I have some?

111
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,520
I need calcium
to grow big and strong.

112
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,480
Are you playing that card again?
"I'm a little girl."

113
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,960
- Yummy.
- Greedy-guts.

114
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,880
Did I tell you
that Mum's starting a school, Daddy?

115
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,240
- How cool is that?
- Not at all cool.

116
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:30,680
Your life's already shizzle.

117
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,680
We're going to learn literature,
biology and French. It's exciting!

118
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:37,320
- Literature? Are you trying to bore her to death?
- What's boring about Shakespeare?

119
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:38,800
Literally everything.

120
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,560
And French - that's just
pretentious shrugging.

121
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,840
Hola, generalissimo.

122
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,080
- You like the armour, Suzanne?
- Handcrafted by muggins.

123
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,840
After that fight last night,
I'm putting my guys on guard duty.

124
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,480
Any thieves or cannibals come round these
parts, we'll give 'em a right fisting.

125
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:58,480
The fisting of a lifetime.
This is very impressive, Tom.

126
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,600
Leadership's a piece of piss.

127
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,640
You done the rota for
the guards yet, boss?

128
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,640
Oh, my God, I made you a codpiece.

129
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:05,840
I can't do everything.

130
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:09,360
No offence, it's just... we were
wondering who's gonna be on duty after us?

131
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,920
I'll do it. I have to do everything
else round here.

132
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,360
Boss!

133
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,520
- Do you want the bad news...?
- Or...?

134
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,760
- The good news?
- There is no good news.

135
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,040
He wants some good news.
Make it happen.

136
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,160
Well, this is serious, cos the water
purifier's about to explode.

137
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,400
Make him feel good, you bastard!

138
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,120
Oooh! There's a
problem with the water purifier.

139
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,680
It's gonna explode and
many mother-funkies gonna die.

140
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:35,800
What was that?

141
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,720
That is the bad news,
but in the style of James Brown.

142
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,800
Did it make you feel good?
I knew that it would.

143
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,240
He's good. This guy is good.

144
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:56,680
It's them fucking pilot holes, boss.
Rusted to buggery.

145
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,760
Well, here's the... stuff.

146
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,960
So that's all good?
You can sort this out?

147
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,400
I'm on lunch, I gotta
get home for the match.

148
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,600
- Bloody traffic, eh?
- What?

149
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,240
Hi. This is my design.

150
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,720
The whole structure's rusted.

151
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,600
It's dangerous, but we've gotta get
in and stop it collapsing.

152
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,280
Right.

153
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,160
Hey, do you remember Waterworld?
Stars Kevin Costner?

154
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,800
- I'm aware of the film.
- Cos this is just like Waterworld.

155
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:23,560
- No, it's not.
- Well, it's not unlike Waterworld.

156
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,760
I've spent eight years perfecting
a system to clean contaminated water

157
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,520
and all people say is,
"It's just like fucking Waterworld."

158
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,560
All right, it's a compliment!

159
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,960
It's gonna blow!
All hands on deck!

160
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,760
Right! I'll stay back.

161
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:43,680
Give it some blue sky helicopter
vision... in the box, out the box.

162
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,720
Shut up and help us!

163
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,720
Er... have many
water-cooler moments?

164
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,240
- Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.
- You know, a bit of gossip.

165
00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:00,440
- Who's shagging who.
- Well, that's your wife and Oscar.

166
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,480
She's not my wife. Dick.

167
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,680
Mr Tom, sir?

168
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:08,680
My cauldron of fatted chestnut
broth's gone missing, see.

169
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,560
Help us, boss.
Ahh...

170
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,120
Sorry, mate.
But this is the real crisis.

171
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,280
Chestnut broth. Nightmare.

172
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:20,840
She don't admit to nothing, but you
just smell Old Mother Pudmore's breath.

173
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:22,880
Oh, fuck!

174
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,920
Aaargh!

175
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,200
Right, well, job done.

176
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:33,800
Cup of tea?

177
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,840
Oi, cape.

178
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,800
Let's get one thing straight, right?

179
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,520
I don't give a shit
who's in charge out there.

180
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:48,320
In here, I'm a pharaoh
and this is my pyramid.

181
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,120
We cool?

182
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,880
- I killed a man...
- Enough!

183
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:59,280
Now, have I ever told you
that I was born to run a bar?

184
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,360
Go on.

185
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,000
So...

186
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,440
Biology.

187
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:22,840
Ooh, if you put a slice of potato into
salty water, the potato gets really soggy.

188
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,680
Um... Smoking kills...

189
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:27,640
- Shut up!
- You shut up!

190
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:31,320
- Hey. Both of you!
- They said you and Oscar did The Bad Thing.

191
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:35,040
Well, they're talking shi... zzle
out of their arsehizzles.

192
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:40,200
Now, are there any genuine questions
relating to biology?

193
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,560
- Yes?
- What exactly is The Bad Thing?

194
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,000
- Jesus Christ.
- You all right, boss?

195
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,600
Don't just stand there. Give me
a hand with Old Mother Pudmore.

196
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,440
OK. Where are you taking her, back
to your place?

197
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,040
What is wrong with you?

198
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,800
So, boss, is this just a two-way
thing or can anyone get involved?

199
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,400
That's it, one last push.

200
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,680
Doctor, doctor! Oh!

201
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:15,360
And pop goes the weasel.

202
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,880
I delivered Laura
with Suze's parents.

203
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:24,320
That was quite...
an awkward 19 hours.

204
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:44,940
Right. Is there anything official I
need to do when we bury Pudmore?

205
00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:47,900
- Bury?
- Or do we cremate people?

206
00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:54,100
You don't...?
You're cannibals too!

207
00:11:54,140 --> 00:11:57,460
- We only eat dead people.
- And that's medically fine, is it, Shipman?

208
00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:01,340
We don't have much food.
We ate a pig yesterday!

209
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:03,140
How do you have pigs
in the first place?

210
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:06,540
You know how it was people in basements
and cellars who survived the bombs?

211
00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:08,500
- Yeah.
- I was in a basement with some pigs.

212
00:12:08,540 --> 00:12:09,860
- Why?
- Best not to ask.

213
00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:11,980
- I won't.
- Unless you want a sleepless night.

214
00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:13,500
- I don't.
- It's a victimless crime.

215
00:12:13,540 --> 00:12:15,900
- Didn't ask. - There's chickens
if that's more your thing.

216
00:12:15,940 --> 00:12:17,460
Fucking hell.

217
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:20,460
Would you like to cut
the placenta, boss?

218
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,300
Mother Nature's birthday cake.

219
00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:24,620
- Make a wish.
- Get me out of here.

220
00:12:26,020 --> 00:12:28,620
Ooopsie. Now it won't come true.

221
00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:37,740
Take my turn.

222
00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:40,860
- Just like Question Time.
- I'm so sorry.

223
00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:42,900
He's scheduled
to masturbate until five -

224
00:12:42,940 --> 00:12:45,220
I had brown snowballs
pencilled for tomorrow.

225
00:12:45,260 --> 00:12:47,740
Sometimes I think
he's gone a little bit mad!

226
00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:49,780
Gaaah!

227
00:12:49,820 --> 00:12:51,820
No! No, no! No!

228
00:12:52,420 --> 00:12:56,220
So... what have we learnt
about adult relationships?

229
00:12:56,980 --> 00:12:59,340
One. Be safe.

230
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:04,460
Two. If in doubt, ladies first.

231
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:10,580
Three. Guys, you're
not going to nag her pants off.

232
00:13:10,780 --> 00:13:13,540
Oh, look, everyone, it's Tom.

233
00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:17,420
Let's thank him for all the good
work he's doing for this community.

234
00:13:20,220 --> 00:13:23,260
Er... about that.
Can I have a word?

235
00:13:23,660 --> 00:13:27,100
Um... Just turn to page two
in your book, please, everyone.

236
00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:31,100
These people eat their dead.

237
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:36,260
Listen, it's like when Piers Morgan
briefly became popular.

238
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:38,820
Yeah, it's fucked up...
but that's just the way it is.

239
00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:43,980
I can't do this leadership thing
any more. I quit.

240
00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:48,020
Well, the only way that you're going
to salvage a shred of dignity

241
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:51,980
is by organising
a free and fair election.

242
00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:54,460
And I promise to do that.

243
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,300
Hmm.

244
00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:02,180
So we are going to find
my replacement with a talent show.

245
00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:06,220
Whoever wins What's Left
Of Britain's Got Talent

246
00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:08,660
gets to inherit this
heavy, heavy crown.

247
00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:14,420
- Suze, wait!
- You break every single promise.

248
00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:16,860
I break promises?
What about you and Oscar?

249
00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:21,140
- Kids, we're going back to school.
- You can't.

250
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:25,580
We're kinda using it
for the contestants' dressing room.

251
00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:27,780
Don't worry, we've already changed.

252
00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,940
Heel, Bubbles! To heel!

253
00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,460
Come on, you cheeky little monkey.

254
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:33,940
Michael Jackson.

255
00:14:40,220 --> 00:14:41,540
Come on.

256
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,580
Fridays will be funky house.

257
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:46,700
Hey, Suzie? This cage is so cramped.

258
00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:49,620
- I've got bare deep-vein thrombosis.
- Come on, kids.

259
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,140
Shits and gigs! Please!

260
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,340
You fuck one guy's wife...

261
00:14:57,780 --> 00:14:59,300
You did not... his wife.

262
00:14:59,340 --> 00:15:00,740
I'm his girlfriend.

263
00:15:00,780 --> 00:15:02,980
And you didn't even...
her because you came

264
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:05,060
on my leg before
you could even pop it in,

265
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,860
so you have embarrassed yourself.

266
00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:11,500
Stop vexing me, yat,
we were up all night long.

267
00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:13,780
I had jizz up my shin.

268
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:16,940
And I hope your bloody
legs do drop off.

269
00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:19,940
And your dick.

270
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:21,980
Oooh!

271
00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:25,180
Spit spot, kids.

272
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,660
Pick up your lip.

273
00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:32,020
- Now, returning to my cocktail bar...
- Not again!

274
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:35,460
I'd probably only
show German football.

275
00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:40,540
This is shizzle.

276
00:15:40,580 --> 00:15:46,700
No, it's not. It's a field trip to look
at a building full of useless relics.

277
00:15:46,740 --> 00:15:48,740
It's like Buckingham Palace.

278
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:53,060
- I think you're feeling guilty.
- Guilty? About what?

279
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,180
- No, I'm not.
- Little bit?

280
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,900
Nope. Laura, don't do your smug face.

281
00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:04,820
What you doing here, boss?

282
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:06,020
I quit.

283
00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:08,500
That boss bollocks
was all about what Suze wanted.

284
00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:10,580
I've got dreams, you know?
Desires...

285
00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:12,380
Oh, I hear you, loud and clear.

286
00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:15,420
I've got a nice plump hen
with your name written all over it.

287
00:16:15,460 --> 00:16:17,700
- Not like that.
- But you are going on guard duty?

288
00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:20,260
- Or is someone covering your shift?
- I forgot.

289
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:23,340
But someone's guarding
us now, right? Right?

290
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:25,940
Oh, shit. Suze...

291
00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:29,500
Dad listens to your dreams.

292
00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:31,740
You laugh at his jokes.

293
00:16:31,780 --> 00:16:33,940
You're the big spoon.
He's the little spoon.

294
00:16:33,980 --> 00:16:35,540
You're perfect together.

295
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:41,900
Plus the dating game is way harder
nowadays, so don't throw it all away.

296
00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:45,180
You're right, sweetheart.

297
00:16:48,020 --> 00:16:50,740
OK, kids, field trip over.

298
00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:52,340
Come on.

299
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:55,700
Let's go...

300
00:16:58,540 --> 00:17:00,420
- All right?
- ...home.

301
00:17:00,780 --> 00:17:04,060
- Come on, lads.
- OK. Quickly, guys, that way.

302
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:06,100
Go, go! Go.

303
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,620
Suze? Laura?

304
00:17:09,660 --> 00:17:12,420
Zorbotron? Zorbotron?

305
00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:14,540
- Who the hell is Zorbotron?
- That's my son.

306
00:17:14,580 --> 00:17:17,060
My wife and I thought
the bombs heralded the space age.

307
00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:20,020
You know: starships,
whole meals in single pills.

308
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:22,620
Robot hookers.
Zorbotron!

309
00:17:23,860 --> 00:17:26,700
Robot hookers? Go on.

310
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:34,580
- Don't come any closer.
- You're scran, ya quilt.

311
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:37,060
I mean it. Cos we will mess you up.

312
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,700
Because we were born to raise hell.

313
00:17:47,220 --> 00:17:52,300
Synthetic flesh: the warmth of a woman,
but without any of the reservations.

314
00:17:52,340 --> 00:17:54,340
Zorbotron!

315
00:17:54,780 --> 00:17:56,180
Aargh!

316
00:17:59,020 --> 00:18:00,620
Aargh! Aargh!

317
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:02,260
Oooh!

318
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:04,300
- Hey!
- What?

319
00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:07,180
Aargh!

320
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,020
Aaargh!

321
00:18:09,060 --> 00:18:11,060
I'm devoed now, you divvy bird!

322
00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:16,140
Your mum's wicked.

323
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:20,020
- Come on!
- Suze!

324
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:25,100
Suze! Suze!
Don't worry... I'm here.

325
00:18:25,140 --> 00:18:26,300
I'm gonna save ya!

326
00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:28,460
Suze, I've got ya!
Don't you worry...

327
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,180
Aargh!

328
00:18:30,700 --> 00:18:33,140
Come on!

329
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:34,500
Go on, miss!

330
00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:36,180
Get him!

331
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:44,180
Aargh!

332
00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:45,940
I think I slightly twisted my ankle.

333
00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:48,340
Hello. All right?

334
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:49,900
Commend my soul to Shankley.

335
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,940
Ooh!

336
00:18:58,060 --> 00:19:00,900
All right, Tom? Field trip.

337
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,980
Nice one.
Nice one, miss!

338
00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:04,780
That's my girlfriend.

339
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,140
Whoo!

340
00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:15,380
- How did you do that?
- My dad made me take fencing lessons.

341
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:17,780
You are so posh.

342
00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:22,060
Tom, you don't have to be
the best that you can be.

343
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,555
I wouldn't like that guy anyway.

344
00:19:23,590 --> 00:19:26,700
Cos he'd be obnoxious
and he'd steal my thunder.

345
00:19:26,740 --> 00:19:28,500
I'm sorry.
No need to apologise.

346
00:19:28,540 --> 00:19:31,780
After what you did back there?
I don't wanna fight ever again, babe.

347
00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:36,260
- Also, me and Oscar, we didn't actually...
- La, la, la, la...

348
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:40,060
Nothing happened...
My shin. On my shin!

349
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:45,260
Welcome to What's Left
Of Britain's Got Talent!

350
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:50,700
Let's welcome our first contestant -
Mr Felix Sleeve!

351
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:53,420
Go, Felix!

352
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:56,340
Hello, wasteland!

353
00:19:56,380 --> 00:19:58,500
Who's this an impression of?

354
00:19:58,540 --> 00:20:00,500
"Oh, I'm really cool and happening,

355
00:20:00,540 --> 00:20:03,980
but actually my girlfriend's having
sex with Oscar behind my back."

356
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,580
All right.

357
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:12,100

 Old MacDonald
had a farm e-i-e-i-o... 


358
00:20:22,620 --> 00:20:24,180
Ooh!

359
00:20:24,220 --> 00:20:27,500

 I am God, I am flying

360
00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:29,900

 Haters saying I'm falling
But I am balling

361
00:20:29,940 --> 00:20:31,940

 So pop it in,
cos I can go all night

362
00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:36,860
- He can go all night.
- Like you mean it, bruv.

363
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:39,780
- He can go all night.
- * I can go all night *

364
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:45,820
Aaargh!

365
00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:47,980

 I can go all night, yeah

366
00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:50,620

 I can go all night,
I can go all night

367
00:20:53,380 --> 00:20:54,780
Jesus will rise again!

368
00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:05,020
Next up, Zulu!

369
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,060
Yeah!

370
00:21:14,260 --> 00:21:16,820
It's dancing! It's a miracle.

371
00:21:17,780 --> 00:21:19,820
Leader! Leader!

372
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:22,940
Leader! Leader! Leader! Leader!

373
00:21:26,820 --> 00:21:28,940
You can't vote for Zulu...

374
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:32,700
Cos I'm taking back what's mine!

375
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:37,180
- How did you escape?
- Oh, that would be my bad.

376
00:21:37,220 --> 00:21:38,900
I was taking him back to his cage

377
00:21:38,940 --> 00:21:41,660
and I took the opportunity to empty
old Mr Poo Bucket here.

378
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:44,660
I only turned my back for a second,
honestly, boss.

379
00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:46,340
He ain't your boss. I am.

380
00:21:46,380 --> 00:21:49,300
Technically we should get
Zulu to mediate the situation...

381
00:21:49,340 --> 00:21:52,180
- Shut it, crump.
- The dog's our leader now. Them's the apples.

382
00:21:52,220 --> 00:21:55,740
- That's not the saying.
- This baggamanz my people!

383
00:21:56,660 --> 00:21:58,660
Right.

384
00:21:59,260 --> 00:22:01,140
I am so sick of this.

385
00:22:01,180 --> 00:22:03,860
Politics isn't
a dick-measuring competition

386
00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:07,540
between a few childish,
arrogant, incompetent fools...

387
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:10,100
...any more.

388
00:22:10,140 --> 00:22:14,300
Listen. Just put
the spade down, babe.

389
00:22:14,340 --> 00:22:18,540
- Do not call me babe!
- Or what?

390
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:21,300
Zulu - get her!

391
00:22:21,860 --> 00:22:24,420
No!

392
00:22:28,100 --> 00:22:30,260
Why, Suze?

393
00:22:30,300 --> 00:22:33,260
You hit my fucking dog
with a spade, man.

394
00:22:38,420 --> 00:22:42,660
We should never have given power to
just one man. Particularly that one man.

395
00:22:43,380 --> 00:22:46,780
All right. From now on,
we run this place by committee.

396
00:22:47,540 --> 00:22:50,460
- Any questions?
- Can I have some more Zulu?

397
00:22:51,180 --> 00:22:55,060
Tell you what, for a mangy old dog,
Zulu doesn't half taste good.

398
00:22:56,980 --> 00:22:59,700
I never thought a spit roast
would make me so sad.

399
00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:02,020
subtitles by Deluxe
- Godem -

400
00:23:02,060 --> 00:23:04,660

 I love my dog as
much as I love you

401
00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:07,820

 But you may fade

402
00:23:07,860 --> 00:23:10,300

 My dog will always come through

403
00:23:10,980 --> 00:23:12,780

 I love my dog

404
00:23:12,820 --> 00:23:15,740

 Baby, I love my dog

405
00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:18,460
Na-na, na, na, na-na, na, na

406
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:20,700

 I said I love my dog

407
00:23:20,740 --> 00:23:23,140

 Baby, I love my dog... 


408
00:23:23,190 --> 00:23:27,740
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